Vomit

When I turned two years old my uncle gave me a cassette tape for my birthday.

It was one of those prerecorded songs that used to be popular I guess- they would record it with a bunch of different names so you just buy the tape that says CHRISTINA and wham! Instant personalized birthday gift.

So the one my uncle got me was one about a space traveling alien who knew it was my birthday and was going all over the universe to find me the perfect present. 

He sang as he visited all of his extra-terrestrial friends who it turned out were all useless in finding me a freaking present- so he just decided to sing me a song... about not finding me a gift... this guy was a just not a good friend.

"HEY CHRISTINA! IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY! TODAY!"

I'm sure I was expected to be delighted by this spaceman and his endeavors but when I heard the song, I immediately started crying.

I was legitimately afraid of this spaceman and WHO WOULDN'T BE!?!?! 

In part of the song he goes to one of his alien friends who has the voice of SATAN and asks if he has a present and he is all "UM NO I HATE CHRISTINA AND I WILL EAT HER BONES!!!!" 

He definitely didn't say that but he might has well have.

Then this spaceman fool tells me that he will be OUTSIDE OF MY WINDOW tonight saying Happy Birthday- HOW ABOUT NO! 

I found the tape again when I was in high school and listened and I still felt the fear from when I was little- my poor uncle didn't mean to scar me for life but that tape was the beginning of my fear, my biggest fear- ALIENS.

I remember a few years later, I was perhaps five. My parents were watching a special report on Alien Abduction. 

After that I never left my room after bedtime. Even if I had to pee there was no way I was going to be beamed up by those little green jerk faces while I was on the loo.

We went on a family vacation when I was six to Universal Studios, back then the ET ride was still there. While on the ride you were on the bike and flying around different scenes from the movie. At the end before ET went home (good riddance I say) he looked right at me, pointed his lighted up finger and said " CHRIIISTIIIINAAAA"

And I flipped a lid. 

My parents are still apologizing for that. Apparently you could give a name to the operators for ET to say. They did not inform me of their mischief, thought it would be a surprise. More like a living nightmare.

It's ironic that most of my favorite media features aliens heavily- but I'm not afraid of the silly Doctor Who alien of the week creatures- I'm talking about the mysterious type of aliens. The ones who you don't see much of, who take you away, who implant crap in your nasal cavity.

"Signs" is still the scariest movie I have ever seen. It's also one of my favorite movies (settle down I still loathe M. Night for what he did to Airbender but still he made one of my favorite movies- THAT IS JUST LIFE!) 

Anything alien can usually set me off- my usual reaction is VOMIT. If I looked out my window right now and I saw a UFO land in my front yard I'm pretty confident I would actually vomit before just.... you know... dying.

Have you seen " The Fourth Kind"?

It's pretty horrible, just a badly made film when it comes to story and characters who we can relate to and care about, BUT those aliens in that piece of crap is the EXACT type I vomit over. I didn't sleep for two weeks after seeing it- I just lay there in the dark with my eyes closed completely convinced that ALIENS WERE EVERYWHERE AROUND ME. 

It's irrational and it's ridiculous but I can't turn my brain off or make it be mature- it just wont. It's like my brain is a masochist but so am I.

I watch Sherlock and Doctor Who.